i must go

•December 24, 2010 • Leave a Comment

the monster comes and goes

in and out in and out

one million dollar house

on the inside she is frozen solid

with areas of thin ice

for some reason i always find myself on a patch

then dad lights the fire from underneath

dreams of my grandpa linger in my mind

he is now black white and grey

i say hi to him from time to time.



my icy patch is wearing too thin

i look down and see my death

i look out and see the world

i look up and see my grandpa

world please save me

i must go

ice, thin ice, change, moving forward

the Monster

•November 5, 2010 • 14 Comments

the Monster came back the other night, and it stayed for two days.

the Monster lives inside of me and works in painful ways.

why, i ask, did the Monster choose me?

when all i ask for is peace and serenity.

i guess because the Monster sees, a child who owes it overdue fees.

my home is now within a glass house, so the Monster hunts me like i’m the scared mouse.


no where to run.

no where to hide.

the Monster will chase me and eat me alive.


what is this monster doing to my brain? anxiety is bad, but this is insane.

so I try to tell those in my life and explain to them this never-ending strife.

that’s cuts into my spirit, just like a knife.

but all that comes out

are unsure trembles,

and a ghost of what i used to resemble.


the Monster tricked me

for 25 years…

it promised me safety, happiness and cheer.

but all those promises turned into tears, and now I am left locked into fear.

so i try to place the blame on others

but deep inside me i know it’s not you.

it’s not him.

not her.

it’s me.

that’s true.


so Monster, Monster, come out and play,

i’m ready to face you

since you’re here to stay.


•August 8, 2010 • 15 Comments

5:40 am.

how lovely is that?

felt my arm burn so i opened my eyes

looking at the red blinking lights

knowing I still have time

before the masks slip on


6:30 am.

pee break.


8:13 am.

fun is almost over

i see the light through the blinds

i never hated seagulls as much as this moment

acting. quacking. preening.

when I do that people judge

i go back to sleep.


10:56 am.

the room is cold and the animals whine

and that creaky creepy door is my only protection

i try to burrow

but the sun found me

angry at everything around me

especially that stupid seagull.



•February 19, 2009 • 4 Comments







i don’t know you


already i despise you

for you are the reason

i don’t eat right sleep at night

because of you 

each day i need to put up a fight

it takes me hours to get your image

out of my sight




it only took

one night

one room

one minute 

for you to shatter my life

all dressed in white

wearing earings

and jewels 

and an empty smile

it’s not everyday you see death in this form

for there truly was no calm

before the storm




i fear

for those who are in need

who come to you

in there time of plead



wanting your time

when all you care about is making the dime

so because of you 

 the world of plastic cups

and paper plates

are sadly in even more

 dire straits




to me

you’re death

to them

you’re life

so stop acting a fool

and put down your knife

there is no one else here for you to kill

except yourself 

i hope you will

then you will know what it’s like to be me

living on the outside

but inside












24th ave

•February 11, 2009 • 1 Comment



im drivin’ in my car

come to the intersection

look in my rearview

and  i see my reflection

of days long ago

when i was a kid

this place was home to me

24th ave




i know this road

like i know my habits

twirrling hair

biting nails

and chasing rabbits

playing ball with my dad

oh how much fun we had!

just right off of

24th ave




further up the road

i look to my right

i can see my grandpa

and he is feeling alright

he is happy and content and is ready for his meal

at the Panrty

where he always gets a deal

just right off of

24th ave





there she is

as cute as ever

when she was with me

everything was better

my little puppy

my little baby girl

her name is Tiffany

3 buttoned Tiffany

there she is running with me

no time to be sad

as we roll down

24th ave









to the skies

•February 3, 2009 • 3 Comments





once you stood infront of me

opened my eyes so my heart could see

energy all around me

you gave all your love

now let your mind rest and your body be






the tears i shed burned through the ground

i look at heaven and i don’t say a sound

watching you

watching me






i’ll take the energy you’ve given me

run through me

take me to that place you’ve been

even though you may be gone

i’ll always see you as so strong






so everytime i need you

i pray for you

i look to the skies

i look to the skies




a tune from june ’05

•February 1, 2009 • 1 Comment

thanks to jay z dis beat’s gone crazay
i’m in too deep in fo’ anyone to save me
it’s time fo me to ask, baby
have u danced in front of a mirror lately?

cuz if you haven’t, u’r missin’ out!
livin’ to tha groove is what it’s all ’bout
life’s too short to ball change lightly
so turn up tha beat just slightly!

vancity u know what?
dis is my first time at bustin’ a rhyme
so thanks fo lettin’ me shine
and oh
i usually go solo wit a mirror so
this proves i have no fear oh
i love hip hop and won’t stop tha rock
till ya put the lock down or send me to tha pound
an when u come around you’ll hear my sweet sound


so let me introduce myself
my name is Jen to the T.I.L.E.S
and i must confess
i won’t make a mess
when i’ma put to tha test
i’ll bring in tha energy
i’ll bring in tha moves
and i know within my heart i can’t loose
that’s what i feel when i’m near tha music…

ya know what i mean?
i mean… how to use it?

i’m fun and wild and if you like my style
come see me in a while
i wanna see a smile on that face of yours,
once i’ve seem dat
i’ll know i’ve done my chores
so stand up
still down
move it all around…

shake dat thing till tha roof hit’s the ground


OK so second verse ain’t much like da first
so i’m a need tha music to quench my thirst
now one issue here i’d like to address
is how rap rapped up in all dis mess
for those who think dis music speaks badness…
some words come from madness
ice cube
dr dre
say what they say to bring home tha pay
many of there rhymes
convey sad times
and all they do is say what’s on their minds
those kinds of songs make you feel
strange, engaged, enraged

thing to remember it’s not let it offend ya (TOO MUCH!)
rap’s main glory is to try and tell a story
life, love, pain even sorrow
anything that happened from today till tomorrow


I look at rap and I look at tha culture
the hip hop dance is like a funky sculpture
tha clothes, tha rhythm
tha history within em
i wish i could say it’s all fun and games
and god bless those unfortunate names
2 pac
jam master jay

i wish alayaih never too dat flight dat day
so i’ll pray for tha past
and find a new way
to convey my thoughts in tha best way, m kay?
I wanna be loud and i wanna be proud
to represent my love
to tha hip hop crowd
so if ya have dreams and you wanna be heard
follow your heart and put forth your word…